Baby, Set Down the Controller – Understanding Olivia Munn’s Cult
Girls play videogames. I get this. There have been plenty of Maxim features on buxom young actresses and singers that casually mention their interests in videogames.
But good lord, geeks have been doomed ever since every girl aspiring for fame realized they can leap Hollywood mountains by adopting the personality of a gamer/geek girl.
Think of that young hipster you know who wears glasses but doesn’t need a prescription? Many of us carried the geek/nerd shame as a horrible burden for their adolescent lives. Now the world’s beautiful and sleek are rocking those habits without the crippling years of insecurities built into their psyche.
Now when I go online to play videogames, it’s no longer just my awkward kin and little kids. I have to put up with this:
I love Ice-T, but he would’ve kicked my ass if we were both in middle school. He would’ve been taking V-Cards while I got all 151 Pokemon. I used to play video games to escape the persecution of alpha males when I was younger; now they’re kicking my ass online.
I just searched “frat guy Call of Duty” on Google. Why did it come up with nothing but gay porn?
We’re getting off track. That might be due to all the Call of Duty porn I’ve been looking up for the past fifteen minutes.
We’re here to talk about Olivia Munn and the ladies of G4.
Already Munn’s charisma aura is making me feel bad for attacking her. She’s attractive and works in an industry I love. I feel like I could talk to her about the Starcraft 2 Beta for a good ten minutes before she’d get bored. But that shouldn’t be enough to warrant an internet cult towards her.
Munn spent the past few months teasing that she had a big role in Iron Man 2.
Spoiler: She was a news correspondent for ten seconds of the movie.
So she basically flooded every media channel I have with speculation. This cut into my webcomic time. Strike one, Olivia.
Stop it. That’s not going to work. For reals.
Why do we as geeks entertain these people so desperate for stardom that they’re playing on our impulses the way Limbaugh has with neo-conservatives for years?
We should know that most of this stuff is an illusion. Fabio didn’t really like older women and butter, Andy Kaufman didn’t really think he was better than anyone else, and these three models aren’t really enjoying that Xbox (at least not untl they plug it in).
It’s all an illusion. I think we forget that sometimes.
Morgan Webb paved the way by being a somewhat attractive girl on the same channel. So Webb starts doing Maxim shoots, gets touted as a “dream girl”, and is soon infallible in the geek sphere for a good year or so before the inevitable backlash (one that will eventually come back against Oliva Munn. Not because of this post in any way, the internet is just a cruel, fickle mistress).
See how this works? I’m writing a post about how these personalities are bad for us geeks mostly so I can look up pictures of them in skimpy outfits. Try as I may to break free from the system, I am still in The Matrix.
At least Webb seems familiar with games. But at some point G4 decided showing reruns of Cheaters was a good idea for their brand.
What’s the supernatural attraction to a girl shoving the fact she likes videogames down your throat. It’s great to share interests with whoever you’re bumping uglies with, but I do not want to have sex with Link.
It’s a smart career choice for these ladies; they saw a power vacuum and filled it. It would be a great move for me to get all chiseled and sexy and find a gig hosting on Lifetime. I can talk briefly on topics such as Tyra Banks, kidnapped children or movies where abused wives tell people they fell down the stairs to cover black eyes.
Munn recently had a guest spot on The Daily Show and of course the internet soon began crying for her to be a regular correspondent. This was when I decided to speak out. I long ago decided that videogame journalism was a deadman’s land of mostly shock jocks and boob ads.
Let’s just be honest; girls like Munn want nothing to do with gamers.
That is the internet. That is the appropriate response by Munn to guys like that. That is 90% of her fan base. She does not want to date that.
How can things be fixed? Kari Byron did things right. A regular member of the Mythbusters Build Team, Byron got on the show by already working for Jamie Hyneman’s company. She just happened to be cute and be ok with letting the team make plaster molds of her butt. The internet still regards her as a class act to this day because she never went straight to sexy-girl. THAT’S how you rock the nerdy girl fantasy to game.
WHY IS CHAD SO BITTER
I used to write and work for an indie videogame review site in college called GameZombie. In its early time, it was a bunch of guys just trying to review games and interview industry folks. It was fun and unpaid. Then it went in a bad direction: GAMER GURLZ.
The above video was an example of the direction GZ wanted to take: hot girls doing all the on-camera work while we gamers slaved in the editing mines.
My game reviews were to be read by actresses around campus.
The above video is that idea. It was also our highest viewed video for a good year.
So I left the site and have felt anger towards it ever since. If you want, bad videos of me reviewing games like Halo 3 are probably still around the site. Thanks for giving me a chance, GameZombie. Then thanks for putting nerd boners first.
If you don’t feel bad for me on this one, let me add that we began talks before I left to work Mountain Dew product placement into our videos. We had a thousand subscribers at the time.
In review: It’s awesome when both genders can enjoy something together like videogames and then get sexy together. You can be an awesome nerdy girl and win over any dude you want. Just don’t overdo it. That be powerful magic shit you deal with.
ON THE RIGHT TRACK, BUT EXPLOITATIVE
WRONG. But I bet she’s a nice person.
I’m sorry, Matt. I know this hurts you too.
[Update: We're going to do another look on this topic next week. If you want to submit a few good female gamers you think we overlook, you can do so on this linked post. We'd love to be educated by you, wise internet sages.]
Posted on June 18, 2010, in Chad Quandt, Pop Culture and tagged attack of the show, boners, bros, Chad Quandt, frag dolls, g4, gamer girls, gamezombie, kari byron, misogny, morgan webb, nerds, nkfeatured, olivia munn. Bookmark the permalink. 82 Comments.