Excerpts from the Reception Speech of Jeff’s Poorly Chosen Best Man

*- “…and so began Jeff and I’s overly complex and hilarious trip to score some more meth.  That night we were like the Harold & Kumar of stabbing people at truck-stops.”

*- “I’ll never forget the first time Jeff told me about Suzanne because it was when I was in prison and you don’t forget shit said to you between 8 inches of plexiglass.”

*- “…so this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down.  And I like to take a minute, just sit right there. I’ll tell you about how once Jeff helped me bury a hooker in the woods.”

*- “Last night I had a dream that Suzanne was butt-naked and covered in gravy. She was running around trying to fuck your dad during a Forth of July parade. I got one of those ‘This is so fucked up I’m turned on’ boners.  Man it was awesome.”

*- “…while Jeff has just developed a severe allergy to both peanuts and fun, by the end of this wedding I plan on being so deep in a vagina that I need a snorkle. I’m not that picky ladies.”

- Rob Norman is a contributing writer to Nonstop Karate