Remembering The Day Team Rocket Won
Some people create art with paintings and sculptures; others use eloquent words. One man last year created art by destroying dreams. It seems only fair to recognize his evil genius. A 2009 Pokemon Platinum event in NY was merely a sandbox for him to wreak havoc in.
Look at this man in the middle of his sinister work. That bottle likely contains some horrible combination of piss, water and children’s tears. He is Loki, the Norse God of Mischief, in physical form.
Here’s the lowdown: Nintendo held a NY event to celebrate the nineteenth sequel to the original Pahket Monstaz, Pokemon Diamond.
Remember, this was way back in the distant past of 2009, months before fans would learn of the upcoming Pokemon Black and White (because we had to move into the color spectrum for sequels when we ran out of every fucking element. I’m looking at you, Pokemon Cadmium and Pokemon Iridium).
Long story short, a flier had been photoshopped and distributed around saying that a special mystery gift would be given out for kids and manboys at the event. That third bullet item isn’t supposed to be there. Do see the subtle font difference? It practically glows off the page with sinister intentions. If you had looked at a real physical copy of the flyer, the words would have shifted around with sentience.
This was a document of false truths. The only thing Nintendo would be giving out at this event was receipts to mothers who had just bought their child’s love for another few weeks.
The Nintendo Super Fun Security Police tried to contain the situation, announcing over intercoms to not download anything found on the wifi networks. Telling children not to do something is effective as trying to hammer a wet noodle into a 2×4. The children took to their little private internets. This is what they found:
Using a pirated wifi download signal, the man was able to send out the “Mystery Gift”: A Shiny Gengar named “Nigger” whose moveset included attacks like “Sucker Punch” and “Steal”. Many kids downloaded this Pokemon assuming it was a direct gift from Nintendo for attending the event.
Stories said that it was this man, dressed in Team Rocket regalia, striding through the troops of kids like an evil Pied Pier. Instead of a flute, he had a pirated internet signal.
Let’s be straight; this is a horrible thing. It doesn’t take skill to be racist (though the “Truant” ability was a nice touch). I love people of all races…
But this was art. This man took on the mantle of a Team Rocket member, a fictional character who’s only desire lied in causing despair for others via ruining Pokemon. That’s it. Tell me what Team Rocket’s business model was in the games/cartoon. Were they eating the Pokemon they stole? Hooking up Voltorbs into power plants and charging citizens for technically free power?
It was a horrible thing to do, but that’s EXACTLY what a Team Rocket member would do in real life. This man is committed to his art.
This man was our generation’s Andy Kaufman, and he’s gone.
Chad Quandt is an editor for Nonstop Karate
Posted on June 28, 2010, in Chad Quandt, History Lessons and tagged children, event, fraud, gengar, nightmares, nintendo, nkfeatured, NY, pokemon, prank, racism, team rocket. Bookmark the permalink. 29 Comments.