Remembering The Day Team Rocket Won

Some people create art with paintings and sculptures; others use eloquent words. One man last year created art by destroying dreams. It seems only fair to recognize his evil genius. A 2009 Pokemon Platinum event in NY was merely a sandbox for him to wreak havoc in.

Look at this man in the middle of his sinister work. That bottle likely contains some horrible combination of piss, water and children’s tears. He is Loki, the Norse God of Mischief, in physical form.

Here’s the lowdown: Nintendo held a NY event to celebrate the nineteenth sequel to the original Pahket Monstaz, Pokemon Diamond.

SPIDER LEGS EVERYWHERE

Remember, this was way back in the distant past of 2009, months before fans would learn of the upcoming Pokemon Black and White (because we had to move into the color spectrum for sequels when we ran out of every fucking element. I’m looking at you, Pokemon Cadmium and Pokemon Iridium).

I have a feeling that Pokemon Black isn't going to sell as well in the South.

Long story short, a flier had been photoshopped and distributed around saying that a special mystery gift would be given out for kids and manboys at the event. That third bullet item isn’t supposed to be there. Do see the subtle font difference? It practically glows off the page with sinister intentions. If you had looked at a real physical copy of the flyer, the words would have shifted around with sentience.

This was a document of false truths. The only thing Nintendo would be giving out at this event was receipts to mothers who had just bought their child’s love for another few weeks.

The Nintendo Super Fun Security Police tried to contain the situation, announcing over intercoms to not download anything found on the wifi networks. Telling children not to do something is effective as trying to hammer a wet noodle into a 2×4. The children took to their little private internets. This is what they found:

Using a pirated wifi download signal, the man was able to send out the “Mystery Gift”: A Shiny Gengar named “Nigger” whose moveset included attacks like “Sucker Punch” and “Steal”. Many kids downloaded this Pokemon assuming it was a direct gift from Nintendo for attending the event.

Stories said that it was this man, dressed in Team Rocket regalia, striding through the troops of kids like an evil Pied Pier. Instead of a flute, he had a pirated internet signal.

Let’s be straight; this is a horrible thing. It doesn’t take skill to be racist (though the “Truant” ability was a nice touch). I love people of all races…

LOOK. LOOK AT ME AND MY BLACK FRIENDS. I WENT TO A BLACK WEDDING, Y’ALL. I’M UNTOUCHABLE IN THIS MATTER.

But this was art. This man took on the mantle of a Team Rocket member, a fictional character who’s only desire lied in causing despair for others via ruining Pokemon. That’s it. Tell me what Team Rocket’s business model was in the games/cartoon. Were they eating the Pokemon they stole? Hooking up Voltorbs into power plants and charging citizens for technically free power?

It was a horrible thing to do, but that’s EXACTLY what a Team Rocket member would do in real life. This man is committed to his art.

This man was our generation’s Andy Kaufman, and he’s gone.

Chad Quandt is an editor for Nonstop Karate

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About Chad Quandt

Writer for videogames, animation, the webcomic Suffrage. Master blocker in dodgeball. Barbecued with Corey Haim before he died.

Posted on June 28, 2010, in Chad Quandt, History Lessons and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. C’mon Chad, this is so unrealistic…everyone knows Team Rocket would have been defeated by an eternally pre-pubescent kid with an angry yellow mouse at his side!

  2. You can clearly see, in the photo, that he has captured pikachu.

  3. I thought Jynx was the racist Pokemon?

  4. Technically, I’m wondering how he got Gengar to have an ability of Truant. Gengar’s only ability is Levitate. You can modify the source of the game to change the possible abilities, but nothing in the data field that gets transmitted should cause your legitimate copy to say something besides Levitate.

  5. But a Pokemon’s portable data field doesn’t have the ability to give it an arbitrary ability, AFAIK. It’s just a 1-bit field.

    The binary pre-defines which 2 abilities a Pokemon can have. The 1-bit field determines which of those 2 abilities they actually have.

    • Yeah, you’re wrong. At least in the current generation the pokemon data can have any ability. This was really obvious for a while, when you’d fight people with spirittomb+wonderguard on the GTS. Then ninty stopped that, but it’s a GTS fix.

  6. Wow…That man is now my hero. I want a racist Gengar now! D: Seriously, I got a good LOL out of this. (Plus Gengar is one of my favs)

  7. Clearly that is a photobomb of you at the wedding.

  8. Standing in the light field

    The bit about the sequels and elements was hilarious :D

  9. I made a pokemon costume for my bro once. He came second place. The one above is not to bad.

  10. Haha. Great post. While I agree that I’m not the biggest fan of the racism, the whole prank sounded successful and well executed. Thanks for sharing!

  11. Ithink i saw a similar topicon …errr… somewhere. But you wrote on it much better =)

  12. Wow.. Haha. I never expected my video to get this famous! xD. It’s been a while, and I still remember that day. I remember people having speculations that it might have been someone else behind the act, or maybe the Team Rocket guy had an accomplice.

    I’m sure someone would try to pull something like this again at Nintendo World’s Pokemon Black and White release event (providing that they have one). lol.

    • Just let me state for the record, yes, that is me dressed as James, one half of the imfamous Team Rocket duo in the anime series. And second, I was not the one who was responsable for the imfamous “N-word” Gengar. That was someone else who was dressed as a common TR grunt who weighed over 350 pounds and was an African-American. The promoters – Nintendo World – asked us to come dressed as out favorite character from the game or cartoon series.

      I used to weigh 270 on a good afternoon, now I have dropped below 250 thanks to exercise and a diet. Ddrt, that is a Pikachu; I just borrowed it from the twerp for the day in question, the reopening of the Pokemon Center New York as Nintendo World.

  13. Pokemon is the biggest distraction ever invented! Thank goodness for that.

  14. Yeah. Pokemon rulez !!!

  15. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn anything like this before. So good to seek out any individual with some unique thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this web site is something that is needed on the web, somebody with slightly originality. helpful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

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