Think Weezer sold out? This is their nuclear option against you.

Come at me, nerds!

Weezer catapulted the cool factor of awkward nerdiness to new heights in the ’90s. Rivers’ big glasses, goofy demeanor, and references to Kiss and Mary Tyler Moore were endearing because he had an air of authenticity. Flash forward to this same nerd singing a song about drinking Patron with Lil Wayne in the clubs. What. The. Fuck. Then this goddamn nerd meets an actor from his favorite TV show and decides to make said actor’s face the cover of his next album. So this shit can’t get any worse right? Check it out y’all:

And boom goes the dynamite.

Do bands jump the shark? I would ask Billy Corgan, At least in his commercial he didn’t write a flipping original song for WWE.

At least he decided to rape a song he had previously written instead of spending time actually pondering lyrics about sweaty glorified soap opera mongoloids. It’s true that Weezer didn’t write the State Farm song, but it’d be just as bad covering a Barry Manilow song.

Here’s the worst part. The song is good. Minus the completely inane lyrics, the song is damn catchy.

Ohweeoh I look just like Magnum P.I.

So what does this mean?

Q: Are Weezer greedy sellouts?

A: No. Also, I hate that word. If it ever had a useful meaning it has been lost for quite a while now. Make music. Get paid. Rivers is at a point in his career where he doesn’t have to worry about his public persona. If he did worry about it he wouldn’t talk about Dungeons and Dragons with Rolling Stone while collaborating with Lil Wayne.

Q: Are Weezer fucking with us?

A: Yes. Rivers knows what we want. We love the old stuff, and hate the new. He puts out cruddy new albums and sings a car insurance jingle in the style of the old.

Now in his early forties, Rivers is not a dumb guy. He may have a screw loose, but it seems like he is just testing the resolve of Weezer fans. Raditude pushed them away, but they were drawn back in by the Memories Tour. If Weezer decides to rework the McDonald’s jingle to the tune of “El Scorcho” then I say I’m lovin’ those goddamn half-japanese girls.

I wrote this for the Internet and Internet law states that each post must begin and end with a meme so…

"Haters gonna hate on my half-elven split-class fighter-thieves"