Author Archives: Adam Kornya

Just a Nice Family Movie About Penguins

Note From Management: This post from Mr. Waters is spoiler-heavy. When we pointed that out to him, he apologized with a level of sincerity and humility that you just don’t see much these days.  He then asked us how *WE* were doing, not just out of politeness, but in such a way that made it clear that he really did care about the answer.  We had a really good conversation, and Mr. Waters offered some low-key advice that helped all of us approach every day life with fresh perspective and a measure of optimistic gratitude.

By Mark Waters

Oh, hey guys.  Are you here for the column?

I was just finishing up the last bit of proof-reading.  There were a couple of adjectives I wasn’t happy wit- er, I mean to say, there were a couple of adjectives with which I wasn’t happy.  No good ending a sentence in a preposition.

Anyway, I whipped up a little late lunch in case you guys are hungry.  If you just want to wait in the rumpus room, I’ll be there in a minute.

*Mark Waters directs us from the foyer to a modestly appointed den decorated with movie posters and faded theater playbills.  In the corner is a scuffed pool table.  He returns after fifteen minutes with sandwiches on a worn sandalwood tray.* Read the rest of this entry

Mutant X: Magneto and Civil Rights, Sort Of

Sorry about the conspicuous absence last week.  One of the boys from the old college comedy group got hitched, and I made the mistake of trying to dance on what I found out later to be a mildly broken food- so naturally I was more or less jazzed on stun gravy all weekend.  And as my old Hungarian Nagymama used to say “Never start drinking when you’re sober.”

In this picture I menace fellow Non-stop contributor Matt Loman with my "Eagle Claw Rush Limbaugh Impersonation" karate move. He feints with his famous "Gin Breath Ghost Whisper".

There’s a reason why we call them the Greatest Generation. Read the rest of this entry

American Dicks

So I promised that I would write about dicks.

And I am a man who keeps his word.

I know Matt already touched on Anthony’s Wiener (Gaaaay).  But I’ve always prided myself on being able to accomplish the level of insight and humor Matt displays in four paragraphs by writing about forty.

Besides, what I have to say about dicks goes way deeper than Anthony Wiener. Read the rest of this entry

Oh Heavenly Salvation: Life and Death in the Midwest

Some people may think it is ironic that a week after I wrote a snarky blog post on the Rapture, a tornado swept through my little Midwestern college town and ripped the roof and porch from my bungalow home.

Is it weird that I was most concerned about my tomatoes?

Then again, some people completely misunderstand and grossly misuse the term irony.  These people might apply the descriptor to a situation in which apparent coincidences seem to take on the significance of design or ‘karmic’ intention.  A man who is shot with his own gun, cheated on by the spouse upon whom he cheats, or otherwise hoisted upon his own petard- these are situations we think of as ironic when really a better word might be inauspicious, unfortunate, or in interest of accuracy, decrepitly superstitious. Read the rest of this entry

Rapture

So this is the last post on Nonstop Karate.

I feel strange being the one writing it.  I’ve only been contributing to the blog for a short while, and it would seem more fitting for Matt or Chad to pen the closing chapter.  Still, if the world has got to end, it might as well end in Action Movie May, right? Read the rest of this entry

Rogue’s Gallery: Top 10 Villains From Film and Literature

I guess there isn’t a whole lot of shame in making a list and calling it writing.  It isn’t like I graduated with a degree in English or am in any way qualified or obligated to edify or entertain anyone.  In fact, I think it’s high time I pointed out the fact that our readers come to Non-stop Karate with quite a lot of baggage.  They come here looking for a little insight or cleverness, or even just the odd tit or giggle.  But really, having expectations of quality of any kind is really just going to disappoint all parties involved. Read the rest of this entry

So Long Superman

So I’m not really getting along with the other Nonstop Karate contributors right now since I refused to take part in their plan to use the blog to launch their vanity albums.

Think Phil Collins, but employing elaborate metaphors comparing romantic love with what it means to be an X-man

Read the rest of this entry

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