Category Archives: History Lessons
The Watchmen Thing
I’ve been reading since I was six. I still have that issue of Uncanny X-Men with Wolverine and Gambit on the cover that started this whole mess.
I have many, many, many opinions on the whole Watchmen debacle.
I don’t think they should do it.
All right, so maybe just the one opinion.
I’m going to attempt to elucidate this opinion for you here without swearing non-stop or turning into an entitled fan.
Read the rest of this entryPG-13 Expendables Due to Language? Suck My D-ck.
Did you guys hear about how the Expendables 2 is going to be PG-13?
Did you hear about how it’s because Chuck Norris got his conservative panties in a bunch over the language?

This is genius. Whoever did this is so, so awesome.
Mr. Norris, on behalf of everyone, ever: Suck Our Dicks.
Screw off “No Shave November”… it’s MOVEMBER!!
“No Shave November” is a celebrated internet and college campus trend during which men don’t shave any part of their body for the entirety of the month of November. Why? It’s a way to seek out and tame the raw, beastly neanderthal that is a part of every man’s blood. To look inward and find out what lies at the very core of a man’s soul. To hire an independent arbitrator to face the nagging demons of responsibility and time, and come to reasonable settlement.
But really, what it boils down to is that there comes a time in every man’s life where he just needs an excuse to look homeless and gross to see if he can grow a God damned beard.
Music History: The Golden Age of Terrible White People Rap
Chet Haze: “Ushering in the new Golden Age of Terrible White People Rap”
We’ve come to a point in America where hip hop is probably the most popular form of music, at least for teenagers currently growing up in the states. It has embedded itself every facet of our society and you’d be hard pressed to find a corner of the country where people don’t listen to it on a daily basis or even worse, don’t acknowledge it as a viable art form. I personally grew up in an era where rap music was still having it’s growing pains as it began to infiltrate Top 40 radio. Gangster rappers actually murdered each other, for a week MC Hammer was the richest man on the planet, and old white people were terrified that these young black men would defile their daughters and steal their good china right in front of their very eyes.
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Where Art Thou, Kaiju Monsters of Yesteryear?
In 1954, a Japanese stuntman by the name of Haruo Nakajima wriggled into a suit made of 270 lbs. of stiff vulcanized rubber. The limbs were inflexible and painful to wear, the body unventilated and stifling, and the tail pulled his spine into an unnatural curve. Under the haze of dozens of halogen studio lamps in a cramped Tokyo soundstage, he paused until the instant he heard the director shout the repeated phrase “Haimemashou!” (“Begin the action!”)
With that, Nakajima began a dangerous game of filmmaking chicken — pushing himself to stay conscious in the extreme discomfort of the poorly-constructed costume and searing film lights… just long enough to destroy as many papier-mâché skyscrapers, cars, tanks, trains and villagers as possible before the overwhelming pain and exhaustion of the scene pushed him into heat stroke.
Several weeks later, in a separate soundstage, an actor by the name of Jiro Mitsuaki turned his gaze to the empty ceiling overhead as the cameras rolled on him, awaiting him to summon every ounce of his strength to shout one, very strange word at the top of his lungs. He was to yell as loud as the condenser microphones could register. One word out of fear for his life. At the time, it was a nonsense word. But a terrifying one.
“GOJIRA!” he screamed. “GOJIRA! GOJIRA!” he shouted again and again. Gojira. Literally translated, “Gorilla-Whale”. Nonsense.
Gojira. Read the rest of this entry






