Category Archives: Videogames

The Well’s That Dry: Recruiting Gamers for Service

For far too many years I had a misconstrued idea of what the Marines did. Thanks to their recruitment videos, I believed they were an elite paranormal group meant to tackle the things the military couldn’t. When a rogue president ghost attacks The White House, when squids become an interlocking hive mind, or when a man hijacks a modified bulldozer and destroys a town; that’s when the Marines are called in. What else was I to suspect when the recruitment commercial looked like this?

I really thought they simulated lava monsters as part of your training. I was 13. And the army wants to recruit gamers? That’s going to disappoint so many boys when they find out the army doesn’t use battle axes. Read the rest of this entry

“Yes, I made a game about Owl Battles.”

I’m still so happy that Legends of The Guardians: The Owls of Ga’hoole exists as a movie. It’s concept is so bizarre that it gives me hope that any movie can be made. My dreams of a documentary-style House of Leaves movie shot mostly in total darkness is possible.

What’s even more inspiring than Owl Helmets: An Analogy for The Holocaust the film? That there was a videogame made on it. There were men and a few women who spent years of their life saying “Yes, I am working on a game where you are an owl and you fight other owls”. Read the rest of this entry

The Great Gatsby

I promised in my previous post that the next article I posted would not be a book review.   I had further hoped that my joke about the Bill and Ted franchise would have driven the point home that this subsequent article would have absolutely no value to readers seeking substantive and astute literary criticism on the pages of Non-stop Karate.  I’m talking none whatsoever.

And I would like to assure you that this is a promise I intend to keep.

For the past week or so I have been confined to a small apartment.  We won’t go into the particulars- suffice to say, I am vicariously reliving the high points of my childhood which typically occurred indoors and involved books, comedy, and video games.

 

I am a Dungeon Dragon

I digress.
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LA Noire is Grand Theft Auto: Uncanny Valley

Rockstar’s LA Noire is breaking ground by letting you live the life of a dangerous criminal (Internet sarcasm just schooled you, famous-cool game school). The sole feature that’s been part of their marketing is their impressive motion cap and facial expression. What it should be known as is Grand Theft Auto: Uncanny Valley: 1940s Edition. Read the rest of this entry

F-ck You and Your Halo

I’ve been ducking one of my best friends; a guy I’ve known since I was 15, because he really wants to play Halo: Reach, and I really don’t want to. At all. I’ve finally figured out why, though.

I want to love you, but you won't let me.

That reason: 13-year-old kids.

I don’t think 13-year-old-kids realize how much time they have to do shit. I certainly didn’t. They can just sit around all day and get good at videogames because they have nothing to do involving things like jobs and personal lives. Their entire personal lives are at school. It will all be there the next day. All of their friends will be there, everything is scheduled, and all social events are planned for them.
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How to sell t-shirts online and commit copyright infringement

In college, Threadless was my secret fashion resource. No, my shirts of large cartoon art did not win over any ladies, but I was always dressed in some attire that no one had ever seen before. Except for that god damn Communist Party one.

Times have changed. The shirts are no longer on sale for $5, Threadless has retail stores, and there are numerous competitors increasing in popularity. Now something stirs in me when I glance upon these sites full of threads for those too lazy/busy to go to stores. There is copyright infringement anywhere. The separation between parody and rip-off is a line being destroyed like Charlie Sheen doing coke in a Las Vegas penthouse. Read the rest of this entry

Moments of Brilliance: Gamer

This first installment in what should be many, Moments of Brilliance will look at small slivers of entertainment that stand above the rest of the work it’s associated with.

Gamer has two good things going for it: the general concept and its dance/fight scene with antagonist Michael C. Hall.

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