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Wherein Our Hero Faces his Own Mortality

I work at a gym. We play music over the house speakers so as to fill the awkward silence that is people doing something over and over again and being miserable about it. Most people at the gym, trainers and employees, bring their own headphones, not because the music we play is bad (it is, but that’s not the primary reason we all bring our own headphones) it’s because everyone has their own music to get pumped to during a workout.

At least we can all agree on what really sucks.

Some like to get lost in house, others need the swagger of hip-hop, or the crunch and thrash of rock.

However, since a client can’t really listen to headphones AND the instructions of a trainer there tends to be a heated argument over what to play.

The gay trainers want techno.

The straight white trainers want rock

The straight black trainers want hip-hop.

The gay black trainers want 70′s dance.

The latino trainers want clients to stop tossing them their keys in the parking lot. *rimshot*

The female trainers want the straight male trainers to stop awkwardly hitting on them when they’re trying to work.

Most of the time, everyone can live in harmony as long as it’s not a slow jam or an extreme example of the genre. For example, a long guitar solo usually means we have to change the music as does any techno song that includes a siren.

I lied. I'll change Oakenfold in a heartbeat.

However, the gym as a whole usually goes through phases where everyone can agree on something for background music. It was techno for a while, which was surprising and weird. Then it was 80′s. Then it was 80′s alternative rock which was again surprising and weird. We recently came out of a hip-hop and R&B bender and now we’re listening to 90′s.

Which has been kind of shitty for me.
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