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“What’d I Drink and Who’d I Do?”

by Michael Bay

Bay: Oh shit.

Oh my fucking shit. What is that ringing?

Sitting attentively by him is Assistant. She gave her real name away when she entered The Bay.

Assistant: Mr. Bay? Mr. Bay, are you awake?

Bay: I’m awake. I’m awake. Fuck. What happened?

Assistant: Mr. Bay, your birthday was February 17th. Eight hours ago you finally stopped screaming and dancing and punching and collapsed. Do you need anything?

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The Misunderstood Genius of Nicolas Cage

Nic Cage is one of my favorite action movie actors.

Swagger.

Swagger.

However, Nic Cage is also one of my favorite actors in not action movies. Whaddaya call them? Boring movies? Is that right? It sounds right.

Now, that doesn’t mean best. It just means that, for better or worse, putting Nic Cage in your movie will improve my chances of seeing it roughly 800%.

Chemical SUPER Freak. Actually.

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