Did you guys know the Oscars are only like days away? Maybe weeks, I’m not sure, but definitely days away. It’s almost certainly not tomorrow. Probably.
I know this because my day job is working the front desk at a gym in West Hollywood. We sadly have few celebrity regulars (I did see Starbuck AND Helo, but not on the same day), we do get a lot of agents, producers, assistants, and the like.
Guess what? They super care about the Oscars. Which means that as a bright and smiling employee of this gym, when I’m on the clock, I care about the Oscars. Off the clock I can go home and watch Roadhouse and Tombstone to my heart’s content, but at work I have a fully cultivated opinion on every category, and which dark horse might actually win.
I don’t care, but at the same time I don’t care how many individual units come in the boxes of water I have to order every week, but I retain that knowledge because it makes life easier.
For those of you not as lucky as me to be forced into caring, here is a quick and dirty primer on the Oscars so you have something to talk about with the people you don’t like at the water cooler, or your mother-in-law who never goes to the movies, or watches anything good on TV, and yet, subscribes to every celebrity gossip magazine on Earth.
Note: I wrote this intending to comment on a few things here and there, and at some point just decided to predict winners. I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. If I did, I’d be churning out Adam Sandler goes to Hawaii scripts, and not trying to make hard sci-fi movies complete with mythology. I, in no way, understand how Hollywood works. — Matt
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