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Suck It, Future-Me: Looper Review

“I’m from the future. Go to China.”

I’m not going to recap the plot. Every blog, website, and newspaper article has tried their hand at summing up the story.

note: I tried very hard to stay spoiler-free, but it’s hard to do that with a movie like this

Speaking from experience, both personal and via the hundreds of pieces of media I’ve consumed, there comes a very special time in a young man’s life when he tells an older, wiser, and more versed person to go to Hell.

It doesn’t matter what this person says, knows, or has lived, the young man is sure that whatever that person is telling him isn’t true.

“You don’t know.”

“What happened to you won’t happen to me.”

“I’m better.”

“Smarter.”

“Meaner.”

“Luckier.”

“It does not matter. It will not, ever, happen to me like it happened to you.”

These young men are wrong, of course. Most of the time it’s chalked up to universal truths that must leave their mark. These are lessons that can’t be taught; they must be felt. These are the mistakes that are made when youthful exuberance meets ignorance.

And there is no force on Earth, not even time travel, not even a future version of you who has literally made every choice you want to, telling you, to your face, that there is  a better way.

This is one of the two major thematic elements of Looper, and this narrative thread is begun with a fantastic scene, glimpsed for a few seconds in the trailer, of Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt having a sit down to discuss just what is going on; what is going to happen, and what the other guy plans to do about it. Read the rest of this entry

Better Dredd Than Dead

Holy hell, how long’s it been since I posted something on here? Like, eight years? Man, that is a lot of years.

What follows is a review of Dredd 3D.

It’s a long one, because I am a terrible, terrible, terrible editor.

They even do “I am the Law,” in a way that doesn’t suck or seem cheesy.

TL;DR Rating – I loved it.
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Moments of Brilliance: Gamer

This first installment in what should be many, Moments of Brilliance will look at small slivers of entertainment that stand above the rest of the work it’s associated with.

Gamer has two good things going for it: the general concept and its dance/fight scene with antagonist Michael C. Hall.

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Fanfiction No One Asked For: Star Kid

Internet, there is no erotic fanfiction for the children’s scifi film, Star Kid (directed and written by Michael Bay. What?!?). I fixed that for you.  This takes place years after Star Kid becomes a Star Man. A lonely Star Man.

Spencer was 35, but still having trouble getting used to Cy, the giant robot suit that had fallen into his lap years ago. It was one thing to meet an alien, it was another thing altogether to meet one that he could wear like a suit!

Cy and the suit had grown close over the last few days. In some ways, Cy was the friend Spencer never had. There was never a time when Spencer wanted to take the suit off now. “Spencer, it might be best to let my circuits rest, using me for so long might be dangerous”. “I know, Cy” said Spencer, “but I figure why not get some good use out of you besides fighting alien bugs?”

As Spencer/Cy jumped over another building like Superman, he landed outside the local mall. “Warning! Many organic beings detected!” Cy exclaimed! “We must hide immediately.” “Cram it, Cy. We’ll be fine. Just activate your invisible mode.” And then Cy turned on his invisible mode. Read the rest of this entry

Technology We Should Really Have at This Point

As you may or may not have heard, the British are developing force field technology. This is not a hoax, not a dream, not an ARG for the new Abrams’ movie; this is real life and it is amazing.

While watching TV earlier this year, there was a commercial for what was essentially a tricorder; a handheld x-ray device exists.

Invisibility is within our grasp.

We’re living in the future, folks. It’s like we’re inside a piece of a science-fiction, and it’s an extremely exciting time to be alive.  Which makes the fact that the following things don’t exist inexcusable and perhaps the truest example of some ol’ bullshit.

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